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Ode to Goldie

October 30, 2013
Healing hands

Healing hands

The cliché is that ‘time heals all wounds’ but I don’t think I agree. Today is my mother’s date of birth. It is 18 years since she died, but the fact that today was her birthday hasn’t diminished in its significance one bit over that time.

Actually, it has increased in significance. The intensity of how much I miss her at certain times hasn’t waned one iota either. There are still moments in time when I could swear I practically head toward the phone to call her, just like I used to, all those years ago.

The memories I have of her have not come less frequent and the times I want find myself imagining she is standing right next to me are not any more unwelcome today than they have been in the past.

She was my mother. She is my mother. And she will be my mother forever. Time doesn’t change that. In a strange, non-morbid way, I am glad that it doesn’t.

But what time does is my perspective on these things. I become accustomed to the feeling of living my life remembering my mother rather than having her physically next to me. I get used to the feeling of wanting to pick up the phone so I can hear her voice.

Grieving Loss

Grieving Loss

I don’t cry any more when I think of her not being here. I have gotten accustomed to the feeling of missing her. It has become familiar and a part of my everyday existence – like a piece of clothing that I am not quite comfortable wearing, but I wear nonetheless.

I never could have imagined getting used to how it feels to live without having her to argue with or to discuss things with.

When my sister and I get together, there is always something that happens where we recall something about our mother and it is always humorous in some way. If it wasn’t something she did intending to be funny, our interpretation and recollections of what happened end us having us laugh out loud.

I called my sister today – and we spoke without saying the words that the phone call was in honor of her birthday. We spoke about how old she would have been had she still been alive today. Neither of us were able to even imagine that being the case because we agreed how she always seemed like an old lady even when she wasn’t really that old yet. Her attitude and mannerisms were more like an old lady than a young woman as far back as either of us could remember.

We speculated about whether or not she would still insist that we color her roots for her if she were still living and about how we would subject her to the kitchen sink Nice and Easy Dark Brown routine religiously. In particular, I recalled all the water that would drip down her neck and get whatever she was wearing soaking wet because of her exceedingly long hair line.

And miraculously, how when we were done with the root covering routine, it would always look quite amazing!

Goldie

Happy Birthday Mommy. We miss you and love you more with each passing day!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

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From → Blogging, Family

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