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Lies People in my Home Tell

March 16, 2014


Metaphorically speaking, for me, trust is like virginity. Once it is gone, it stays gone!

I don’t know the particulars of it, why this is such a super important topic for me, but when someone shows me reason to stop trusting them, there is not much I can think of that they can do to reverse that. For me, trust is paramount!

My basic nature is to give people the benefit of the doubt time and time again. I much prefer to trust than to mistrust and to believe that people are good witches rather than bad witches.

In other words, it take quite a bit of doing for me to think badly of you. This is not the same thing as liking or not liking you. It is specifically about trust. If I am given good reason to feel as if you have broken the level of trust I have given you, then that translates to the following:

Traveling Distances

Traveling Distances

• You have gone some distance from where we started – because I begin our relationship much more on the side of trust and goodness and kindness than mistrust, evil and being hurtful.
• It is not going to be an easy haul to undo the damage you have done. Since I prefer not to doubt or mistrust, it takes a lot for me to get to this point and since it takes a lot to get me here, the road back is a rough one.
• I am aware that it is in my nature to slide quickly – by this I mean once I begin to mistrust regarding one thing, it is difficult to maintain any level of trust at all – and I become suspicious in spill-over areas.
• This is a bit repetitive but trust is a huge, Huge, HUGE thing for me. If I can’t trust you – I am no longer comfortable around you – and if I’m uncomfortable around you, then I choose not to be around you often.

All in all – I truly don’t know how to feel any differently. It is not all about anger or being mean, it is more like me feeling as if I have to avoid getting close to you so I can protect myself.

I don’t know how to help you think of ways to regain my trust. Seriously, I don’t know that there is a way. That most likely comes from the belief I hold that I used to start this page with – about it being gone once it’s destroyed.

Later on in my life, I had a boss who used to say “fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, shame on me!” In a way, this means the same thing. I, most likely am dictated by my fear of being trusting a second time and making a second mistake and getting hurt once again.

Now let me back this out to the role I play in my life as a Foster mom. Not exactly a match made in heaven since so many of the children we develop relationships with have quite serious issues and tend to be less trustworthy than ‘regular’ children who have not had to deal with the foster care system and parents who have failed them so severely.

I find by backing it up even further, and presenting my situation to others with different circumstances such as women who have a history of dating guys they can’t trust – it helps me…it gives me the opportunity to step out of myself and put some distance between myself and the personal experiences I have. I am able to place something between the forest and the tress. I can see clearer with the distance and keep some of my personalized feelings out of the way.

Clearing Fog

Clearing Fog

I can see my way clear – out of the fog of my intense emotions.

Judy is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked extensively as a counselor with children, adolescents, couples and families. Judy’s professional experience in the mental health field along with her love of writing, provide insight into real-life experiences and relationships. Her fresh voice and down-to-earth approach to living a happier, more meaningful life are easy to understand and just as easy to start implementing right away for positive results!

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