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Shedding Conditions

May 4, 2016
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credit to jarrodinspires

Something I’ve come to realize is that my own, personal happiness can’t survive once it gets diluted with conditions. It gets diluted, of course, by me – although never with this being my intention, or for that matter, rarely with me being aware I am doing it. It is something that happens beneath the surface, not something easily recognized or realized.

This is how it usually happens: I am unhappy or discontent and I begin to think “once (fill in the blank) happens, then, I will be happy.” Or I tell myself “As soon as _________ occurs, it will be better and I’ll be happier.”

Only, that is not how it goes at all, because it is never really the need for any one thing to happen, in order for me to feel happy. In fact, there are many times when that very thing I originally tell myself has to happen in order for me to feel happy, does indeed happen; and still it does nothing to elevate my mood. In fact, there are times I remember just the opposite happening. I prod and push my way to get what I want, I get it, and then I am left with a sense of disappointment, feeling let down, left asking myself ‘is that all there is?’ I learn that it is an illusion, that this one thing I have pinned my happiness on possesses this amazing ability to make me feel happy.

Perhaps this is because I am not seeking the type of happiness that lasts for a moment – is fleeting – as if swallowed up in one, huge gulp.

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Credit to picturequotes

I may, in fact, be looking for the type of happiness that is better described as contentment or satisfaction the feelings that come from acknowledging and recognizing what truly is, not something fueled by my expectations. And something extremely profound for me, is that all this goes for people in my life too, not just events, things and situations.

Many times, whether I have been aware of it or not, I have handed my mood over to other people in my life – not outwardly, but inwardly. I have put the way I feel about them, myself and my life in the hands of those around me. If they are in a good mood, kind, nice and all the things I believe make them so, then I feel good and I can be in a good mood, kind and nice. Not only is that rather insane (professionals refer to that as co-dependent) but conversely, it means when that is not the case; when they are in a bad mood, mean and unkind, and all the things I believe make them that way, then I feel bad, and am in a nasty mood, mean and unkind.


Credit Healthyplace

So, if that seems crazy to you, then you understand what I am saying and feeling. I am learning that how I feel is simply that – HOW I FEEL. It does not come with conditions. It just IS. And the same goes for other people. It is not the feelings that are the causes of the confusion. It is the conditions we tend to attach to them.

Well, then…. Here’s to more times and things in my life without conditions.

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