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My Own Next Step

May 10, 2016

First Step

We hear so much about it – many of us tend to avoid it – often at all costs. Some of us claim to look forward to it, but in honesty, we do not at all, in fact we fear it. It evokes the unknown in almost all of us and that is not a comfortable place to be.

Change is necessary, but it is also some place difficult for most of us to get to, especially those of us who are seeking self-honesty and truth. It is quite difficult to achieve, even after we have committed to it. It is a process, not something that happens quickly. And it is something many of us, even if we do our best, do a tiny bit at a time, and very rarely in a continuous forward motion. Change is something that, if and when we accomplish it, we look back on over time, and see, not something we recognize while it is happening.



It is only through continually recognizing how difficult change is for me to achieve, that I truly find myself able and willing to accept how unlikely it is that I will be able to change someone else. Let me say that again, a bit differently. By being honest about how hard it is for me to accomplish, and that is after I have made up my mind that it is necessary in my life, something I am willing to do or recognizing the need for in my life; then it makes it much easier for me to accept how unlikely it is that I can successfully get another person to change. They are not at the point of acceptance in their own lives that I am in mine. They may not have gotten fed up enough with things the way they are to commit to the long, tedious and difficult process and all it entails in their lives. In fact, they may not be anywhere near that point at all.

Yet, somewhere, I have convinced myself it is what is best for them, something I wish to see happen…and therefore, I believe it should be so.

“I hereby decree, it is time for you to change,” I tell them subliminally or maybe not so subliminally depending on the type of relationship we have. “I hereby decree that from this time forward, you change outcomes to given situations. I demand you respond differently, feel differently and most definitely, react and behave differently because I am not happy with the present situation. I am not finding it pleasant, rewarding or something appealing, thereby I demand you make the necessary alterations to fix things!”

What the heck am I thinking? Because that is, more or less, what I am saying every time I expect other people in my life to change.

So, this is not a lesson on how to get other people to change, rather, how to remind me how to get back to the place I need to be – a place of understanding and acceptance of my own – one that is true and real, in which I can look around and see things the way they really are, not necessarily the way I have mentally decreed they ought to be.

By going back to my own being and revisiting what it is like for me to make changes in my own life, even those I believe to be good and positive changes, I remind myself how difficult it is to ask of myself…how hard it is for me to achieve small, little bits of progress.

The older I get, the more I see – and the less I know. I do not know what is right for you. How could I possibly know how difficult or maybe even impossible or drastic an undertaking the change I wish to see occur might be for you at this point? I can’t! What I know is that I want it. And I am experienced to know that when my entire reason is based entirely on my own self-will, as in this case, I most definitely cannot account for the outcome.


THAT is something way out of the scope of my own existence. It lies elsewhere, outside of me and my abilities to regulate; harness or control. So that leaves me in a very different position than when I began. My position may be one of my honestly telling you, if you care to know, how I feel and where I stand, and then stepping back away, to take my own next step.

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